so

we are only human.
ignorance is both a blessing and a curse.
yes, I am apologising right now,
and yes, those few lines are how i would normally end a justification or excuse for making mistakes.
and yes, as true as they may be,
they never quite calm my conscience
and I know I should be sleeping right now
but I can't.
so do it now and hopefully my conscience will let me sleep.

i do now know if it is right to do thus publicly ( online :3 )
but as i vented my annoyance and anger online I do not think it would do justice without the apology also.
it feels more right this was, if  a little less human, and I regret that also.

anyway, to the point.
my words were in anger, which is never a good reason to do anything.
I apologise, I spoke when i was not aware of circumstances I should have been, i was not aware and i was not thinking off all possibilities, and my actions and words were thus totally unjustified and wrong even though i was ignorant.
to say and white such, especially for others to see, is horrible and belittling and offensive.
for this I have no excuse and there is none.
I was simply in the wrong, and was not brave enough and did not know how or what to say.
I have already forgiven this person and I wish I had never said as such.
I was just confused, tired and out of place and wanting to feel intelligent and useful.
I should not have gone out of my place and said and judged as I did.

I do now know who ever or who else may or may not be reading this,
but please know this.
if i am angry, out you or another,
know that i will regret immensely everything i say and do during that time,
and though i know better, occasionally i am stupid enough to do such things as venting my anger that may actually affect some one,
as opposed to just going and training for two hours to break myself or scribbling all down whilst crying my heart out then putting the pages to fire.

but no matter how angry or annoyed at you i may seem, know that within two or three hours i will likely be more full of regret and shame and remorse of such words and actions that i may merely think that it puts me to tears.

I hold loyalty above all else, and if I count you as a friend,
please be aware that no matter the grievousness I will always forgive you, always.
I am sorry to apologise like this, and I do wish to apologise in person, and I will,
but I feel this was also necessary as my words in anger were also public, and that in itself was very wrong.

and for those who don't know, I'm sorry.
I have never been very confident, and avoid confrontation to the point of idiocy on my part, even if it only makes things worse.
I am really not very confident when it comes to talking to people,
and I am quite aware I lack social communication skills, and for that I hope you can forgive me, now and in advance,
I am doing my best I promise.

and yes, this was already drafted when you apologised to me, I was just unsure how to finish and figured i'd wait till I'd slept on and assembled my thought better.but now my conscience is killing me. so yes this was needed.sorry!