feeling old

I have a little half brother,
Raoul, from my father's side.
He is two and half
and already speaks more languages than I do.
It saddens me that I so rarely see him any more,
I know he loves seeing me,
he has known my name since before nearly anything else,
he loves the teddies I buy him,
in fact the one I bought him for his first birthday he now sleep with every night!
( It was a big soft plush hippo =P )

But until I had him sitting in my lap and I was reading to him,
half asleep with such a content, peaceful look on his face
that I could even comprehend why someone would want to be a parent.

I can't even begin to explain.
he is my half brother,
bah ahh! so incredible! to have such a life,
it is as if all the responsibilities and effort
didn't seem so bad after all.

bah! now I'm talking crazy XD


well, missing you all,
ayrton

Listening to ; Renee Olstead - A Love That Will Last

hey little world

wows it has been a while,
I've missed this!

I really don't know how to begin explaining.
I don't feel myself of late, I'm sorry for that.

the last few days or really this last fortnight,
it's kind of been that I find myself thinking about who I am a lot.

sometimes when you realise you are so much you said you never wanted to be, and you do things you said you never would,
are friends with people you disliked for so long, as you knew they were wrong for you.

and now, lately I am back with my true friends,
my old friends,
and..

I feel so much more...me.

I cannot explain it.
I feel reinvigorated. new again.
a re-found purpose and innitiative.

so no more letting those around me get to me.
so. I have a lot to do.
a lot to change. and I'm still not even sure what.
but at least I know where I'm starting now.
it's like finding something.

I know now. I guess I've always known -
you never find what you're looking for.
you only get it when you stop looking,
when you forget or are looking for something else.
isn't that always the way?
I have a few things I really can't stuff up.
As I know that yes I have the make the effort to go through everything, and to never give up -
because what you are looking for it out there, and seeking you as much as you search for it =)



missing you all,
ayrton.

easter?

raar?
that's how bunnies go right?

well, according to Monty Python anyways :3

sorry i have been absent for so long!
been busy and lazy with work & swimming.

have just been doing the last detail on my elf mage costume lately,
will put up a few photos when I get the chance for a sneak peak =P
I've decided not to put all up until I wear it to MAIcon later this year.
so for now only a few sneak peaks once I've got through the photos!

then next week start the Totlen costume =D
super excited =D

what else...oh, today i broke something super expensive cleaning machine at work, and had ony touched it for all of about two seconds.
and rescued a dog =D

happy thought ; "Imagination is more important than knowledge"

how was your day?
love and miss you all <3


Listening too; Glee - Loser Like Me