~There is no better time than now.
next time may never come.~

Sorry, been watching corny dramas XD
just one of them has really gotten to me, I guess as I can relate to it a lot.
I am even learning a few things from it!
argh so bad XD
well I hope you are all well,
loving you always!

Infinite!

So, just to clarify, I mean the Band/ Group not as in endless :P
One of the reasons I love them is they work so hard!

To the point of the story - When Infinite released their first full album under the title track "Be Mine"
The members went out after a week of promoting and after walking around for a hour decided it wan;t as unpopular as they had thought or hoped for.
SO,
they spent the next few hours and over the next few days going out, wander around the disctricts of Seoul wandering around going into random shops requesting "Be Mine" to be played, and would then perform outside the shop! None minded as they had hundreds of fans wandering along  after them and going into the shops they did XD
And in the record shops they came across they'd Do performances as well and to anyone who bought it they'd sing it as well!
They even bought a CD player and went out into parks, sidewalks and streets and started performing!

How fricking amazing! THAT'S how you promote a song! XD
Infinite Fighting!

Oh the joys of facebook....

Yeah.... **sigh** so misleading and open to misinterpretation.
I recently added one of my colleagues at work and saw a few work related comments from another  colleague who I don't get along particularly well with I suppose, and am now trying to convince myslef that my nickname among others at work isn't "grumpy face" D:
which is absurd. I guess I don't exactly smile a lot at work, but still :/
I'm normally very animated and happy when interacting with patrons and staff??
argh >.<

Ahh well. All so silly.
Oh, and long time no posts XD
Don't worry, it means I have photos to put up naow :P
well.  have to be up for work at four thirty am, so sleep well all :P
ayrton xx

if you had three wishes?

Okay, so, kinda cliché,
I get it =P
But someone asked me  this the other day and I simply couldn't decide!
So, after much thought, I have decided on what I would choose if given three wishes
( to normal extent of you can't kill anyone,
make anyone fall in la-la-la-la love with you etc... )

1. Have all the money in the world taken away, and then give back to every single person in the world exactly the same amount.
( Those of us who have more and are used to more...are probably in less dire need of those who could use it more, and to whom such an amount would be far more significant too.)
 ( Or simply abolish monetary concept all together. )

2. Make magic real. Because it's me. I day-dream far, far too much.
( although if asked I couldn't probably give you a consistent description of what ths would entail.) 

3. I would like to be able to speak every language in the world.
Because everyday I come across so much that I wish I could understand, and I think it would make all the better for it!


what would you say, if asked?

hope everything is well. life a little bit strange right now.
Hope and love for you all!



Listening too; Harel Skaat - Kama od Efshar

your usual?

Do you have one?
I know a lot my family, colleagues, co-workers , and other students I know
occasionally  go on about how good it feel's when someone knows "your usual'
in reference to haircuts, coffee order, or lunch order or such.
and it stuck me, I don't think I've ever had a "usual'
anything.
I like to mix things up, always go do different cafe's, or hairdressers,  or try to find somewhere new to sit and relax during summer, go find something new to do.
I mean I have things I routinely do, but even then I like to mix them up.
even little things, like ordering what I do in the shower differently. sometimes I shampoo first, sometimes shave. Or getting dressed in a different order.
This one is tricky though XD

What do you do? do you have a usual cafe and a order you consistently  get?
or are you like me, and love to try all the different cafe's, clothes shops, hairdressers around just to see what's out there, just for the fun of it?

sorry for long wait again,
missing you all,
ayrton


Listening too; Younha - Run

alive.just.

nya!
I have been so sick, so for long!
have not been so ill since I was child!
will be back on blogg a little more now, sorry :3

not too much going on now, only just getting better now,
MAIcon soon!
and may be down in Hobart helping with cosplays for university open day =D

thought of the day - what would you choose to do if you could not fail?

missing you all and lots of hugs for everyone!
ayrton

cold day

It is SO cold!
Open shift at work not so fun when everything is covered in ice hahaha!
very cool to look at in an eerie kind if way though..
but for some reason I think it just got to me.
I don't know.
Sometimes our emotions just get the better of us I think.
we are only human after all.

I think the best thing you can do on a day, when all you want to do is curl up in bed all day and cry,is to make yourself busy. You make yourself run all the errands and pay all the bills and sort everything that needs sorting.So that it consumes you, and you don't have time or effort to spend wasting thoughts about such silly and inane emotions.Because by the time your remember, it doesn't matter so much,and you've made a great, efficient day when you would likely have simply not otherwise bothered with the day at all.


missing you all,
ayrton.

Listening to ; Renee Olstead - A Love That Will Last

a good day.

I am so happy to be back home again!
being back fro peoples birthday sis always fun =D
and walking around with a giant cut out weeping angel fro Lauren's birthday was the most fun i've had in a long time =D
and tomorrow I have my best friends birthday lunch! it's been ages since we've had much time to catch up so should be good =)

all is well.
although I think I am beginning to see a trend in work , that kind of opens my eyes to something i just haven;t realised before.
Most of society is ageist.
At least the society I live in.
we tolerate disrespect, intolerance, ignorance, rude and anti-social behaviour 

in the older generations where we would never, and most certainly do not, tolerate it in youth.
It was just a thought at work the other day.
I have as much trouble with snobby, elitist old men and women
who are so rude and disrespectful to staff and other patrons it is just horrible! and yet we tolerate them and everyone let's them be! and I know that if someone my age came in and was as rude ,argumentative and disruptive as they were we would have them kicked out and asked to leave!
I don't understand it. I really don't.
I understand to respect the elderly, but if they have no respect and are so blatantly and inanely rude to anyone significantly younger than them? they I have no respect for. I have no reason to, it's horrendous that anyone should over look such rude misbehaviour and stereotyping for any reason at all.

Respect someone who has twenty years life experience for than you. but recognise the difference between twenty years experience, and one year's experience twenty times.

anyways, onto more pleasant news - I am finally getting a few wigs for my cosplays!
my goodness I need them XD
And I have decided to do a Firion cosplay for MAIcon ( i think this is final XD )
a cool character from the final fantasy series =D
have been so iffy about what to do, so i'm glad to have decided on this one =D

missing you all,

ayrton

Listening to ; Like this - Wonder Girls

Shoes!

So! I made awesome shoes? =D
they were supposed to look like this;


and they ended up like this?
( plus a few bits of costume in background XD )

















not so bad eh? =D
( apologies for bad picture - didn't upload so well >.< )

Hope you are all well, see you soon =D
ayrton

Listening to - Boyfriend - Lovetsyle

Positive

Oh great,
now that we all have that song stuck in our heads >.<


YAY!
Denmark's legislation
- passed a few weeks ago -
 to make marriage equality legal comes into effect in two days!
This will make it the 11th country in the world alongside Iceland, Sweden,
South Africa, Argentina, Belgium,
Spain, Canada, Norway, Portugal and The Netherlands
which has marriage equality =D

**nudge-nudge** Julia Gillard, get your silly behind into gear =.=

hope you are all well, missing you all!
ayrton


Listening to ; T-ara  -  Roly-Poly

find a giggle

every now and again,
or as much as you can!
I'm a so sorry for few posts,
have been super sick last few days!

but saw this and it made me giggle XD


 ( This is one of Australia's most renowned politicians, also somewhat infamous of his intolerance and ignorance of gay rights/ equality.  Ergo, I think this is  a good way of trolling your country's greatest politicians! XD )

And it is a horrible tie. I mean really? of all the colours / designs you could choose....
you chose that?
yikes.


Also! My brother had one of his bike races up in the north, so trying a few things with new camera >.<

still trying to work it all out! so not so good I think :3
but such nice vineyards and view over the river was too tempting XD

Oh and I was going to give you updates on my costumes but I seriously can't find the photos on my camera
( too many hundreds too look through just now anyway >.< )

Anyways!
all else is well, hope you guys are looking after yourselves,
ayrton xo

Listening to ; IU - You & I

Mimicry..

Is the greatest form of admiration.~

Remember that.
Do not get annoyed if you find someone you know has taken to dressing like you,
or acting with similar mannerisms or to liking things you do.
It just means they like you, who you are and how you are in the greatest way possible.
If you remember that actions speak louder than words,
yes,
it really is the greatest compliment anyone can give to you.
So be thankful,
and be humbled that anyone can think such a great thing of you.


loving and missing you all,
ayrton

Listening to ; U-Kiss - 3:30

Flash Mob

So,
 the K-Pop group Wonder Girls 
recently performed a series of Flash Mobs around Malaysia and Singapore,
and actually made them their' MV's for those songs on YouTube ( hence how I found them =D )
I mean how awesome!
Not only do you get an awesome flash mob , but you get it sung and performed and get to dance with superstars!
If you don't know what a flash mob is, who the Wonder Girls are or just have a spare few mins,
I advise you to YouTube "wonder girls flash mob - like this"

to put these guys on par with how popular and big stars they are, put them on par with One Direction,
or Lady Gaga , or Loreen - it's amazing!
that's kind of why I love K-Pop and J-Pop groups and bands so much,
Groups like Wonder Girls, Exo-K, Nu'est often to flash mobs, or even have their own TV' shows in which they go out and run around doing errands for random fans or members of the public, impromptu performances
and such!
So amazing! can you imagine? one of the most famous groups around just appearing and bursting into song and dance around you! such a difference to western musicians who rarely seem to do anything so mundane as many k-pop group do.
I guess just a cultural difference.


- thought of the day - if you are reading this, many cannot even imagine how lucky you are.

sorry for no posts in so long!
hope you are all well, miss you all.
ayrton

Listening to ; Infinite - The Chaser

I'd like to believe

well, a lot of things I guess
first things first - yes, I am alive-
( although I seem to be getting asked this question a lot )
so not sure how much my say counts for...

I am just trying to organise a few things
myself mostly,
and perhaps not going as well as I should be.
The hardest things is starting one new aspect,
one new things I haven't tackled before..

But I guess that is old news.
of course what is new is always hard.

Mostly I am trying to figure out what to do with myself.
no small task I can assure you.
but I have narrowed it down and the criteria
for any prospective careers and jobs has been decided.

But of course in contextual and such,
but I know there must be balance.
There must always be balance, in anything and everything we do.

In this case it must be between success and happiness.
Undoubtedly an extremely common balance sought I do not doubt.

although I really don't know,
those few I have narrowed it down to are all so different and all stand out and for different reasons!
I guess I have never had an obvious career path. that has always been obvious,
I love a lot of things , and I am certainly not lacking in intelligence.
there are very few subjects or aspects in life in which i have not/ do not excel
( and yes - obviously height is one of them =P )

So yes. My little dilemma.
well, big dilemma I suppose.
but relatively, one very small things in all this world, which is even then so small.

Love and miss you all -
Goodnight <3
ayrton

Listening to - Sistar - Alone

I See

crazy people...
soooo many....

I mean today I had someone at work complain abut that fact that here hair got wet,
as some of the swimmers were kicking
( you know, using their legs, like they are supposed to )
and getting her hair wet, calling them a very offensive word I can't put up here!
I mean she was in the water doing laps too!
she expected to not get her hair wet?
It's a pool? and she was swimming!

going swimming and expecting not to get your hair wet
is like going to a chocolate factory and expecting NOT to eat heaps of chocolate.
 I mean even if you don't plan too, it just happens!
I mean it's a swimming centre for goodness' sake.


and yes.
chocolate does sometimes just happen.
Obviously. Sometimes the jar of Nutella and spoon just magically appear in my hand,
I swear!

jeez peoples.

Oh and the costume is coming along slowly I'm afraid to say.
**sadface**
ahh well.


**hugs**
Missing you all,
ayrton


Listening to ; Se7en - Somebody Else

feeling old

I have a little half brother,
Raoul, from my father's side.
He is two and half
and already speaks more languages than I do.
It saddens me that I so rarely see him any more,
I know he loves seeing me,
he has known my name since before nearly anything else,
he loves the teddies I buy him,
in fact the one I bought him for his first birthday he now sleep with every night!
( It was a big soft plush hippo =P )

But until I had him sitting in my lap and I was reading to him,
half asleep with such a content, peaceful look on his face
that I could even comprehend why someone would want to be a parent.

I can't even begin to explain.
he is my half brother,
bah ahh! so incredible! to have such a life,
it is as if all the responsibilities and effort
didn't seem so bad after all.

bah! now I'm talking crazy XD


well, missing you all,
ayrton

Listening to ; Renee Olstead - A Love That Will Last

hey little world

wows it has been a while,
I've missed this!

I really don't know how to begin explaining.
I don't feel myself of late, I'm sorry for that.

the last few days or really this last fortnight,
it's kind of been that I find myself thinking about who I am a lot.

sometimes when you realise you are so much you said you never wanted to be, and you do things you said you never would,
are friends with people you disliked for so long, as you knew they were wrong for you.

and now, lately I am back with my true friends,
my old friends,
and..

I feel so much more...me.

I cannot explain it.
I feel reinvigorated. new again.
a re-found purpose and innitiative.

so no more letting those around me get to me.
so. I have a lot to do.
a lot to change. and I'm still not even sure what.
but at least I know where I'm starting now.
it's like finding something.

I know now. I guess I've always known -
you never find what you're looking for.
you only get it when you stop looking,
when you forget or are looking for something else.
isn't that always the way?
I have a few things I really can't stuff up.
As I know that yes I have the make the effort to go through everything, and to never give up -
because what you are looking for it out there, and seeking you as much as you search for it =)



missing you all,
ayrton.

easter?

raar?
that's how bunnies go right?

well, according to Monty Python anyways :3

sorry i have been absent for so long!
been busy and lazy with work & swimming.

have just been doing the last detail on my elf mage costume lately,
will put up a few photos when I get the chance for a sneak peak =P
I've decided not to put all up until I wear it to MAIcon later this year.
so for now only a few sneak peaks once I've got through the photos!

then next week start the Totlen costume =D
super excited =D

what else...oh, today i broke something super expensive cleaning machine at work, and had ony touched it for all of about two seconds.
and rescued a dog =D

happy thought ; "Imagination is more important than knowledge"

how was your day?
love and miss you all <3


Listening too; Glee - Loser Like Me 

is it alive?

believe it or not yes, don't fret I am not dead yet =P
just tiring doing this costume!
but now look so good!
even had to learn to write and read in tengwar for it! XD
may use it for MAIcon up here later this year, it's a cool costume
and is only being used for a friend's costume party this weekend.
surely that validates it for a competition use?
well i'll see how it holds up anyway =)

and I even found phosphorus paint!
so the crystal thing and the tome glow =D
heehehee ! =D
and I even found some old rings for it!
thank goodness i needed them! =D

although my room is now incredibly messy!
two straight big costumes and no break between mean my room needs a clean...

this was day 3...

then as fabrics get done i move to the bed...

and more coming tomorrow!
am finishing the cape,
then just painting all the details on the fabrics and the last few inscriptions in the book =D

love and miss you all,
ayrton


Listening too ; SHINee - Sherlock 
 ( love it =D )

blind

today at work was cool,
we had one of our regular kids decide to try and run our giant inflatable
 ( jumping castle/ obstacle course things )
blindfolded!
he managed to do it twice!
D=
and so quickly!
after getting bored merely doing it facing backwards...
puts me to shame XD

and !
last minute costume coming up!
Tolten is on hold for this week,
my new housemate may have forgotten to invite me to her costume party
( which was is being held at our house even... )
 although she did mean to, she just forgot to tell me XD
this weekend.
so yeah.
one high elf mage coming up! XD

looks cool, lots of sewing..but i should be able to do it! =D
only a few random bits of jewellery and paper mache to do, I think I can do that in six days? XD
i mean i effectively did my Vaan in two weeks...
so this should work yesno? XD

ahh well!
love and miss you all,
ayrton

Listening to ; SHINee - Love like Oxygen

dear silly people..

dear man who walked into
the glass exit door at work today;
it's and exit. that's what you get for trying to enter through it -.-

dear crazy girl I am ashamed I used to know;
if you spit in some'one coffee and
then go off at them for calling you scum....
yeah. no comment needed for that one dear.

dear annoying person I work with;
don't complain about me because I complained about you!
rawr! he was so silly and immature and unprofessional! urgh!

rawr...
sorry
peoples.
sorry, don't like ranting.
but had to get it out!

lots of love, ayrton
missing you all!

Listening to ; Sasha Son - Love

little day

bah, the rain has come again!
I am glad for it, it was getting so hot,
it is nice to be able to wear more than one or two layers without sweating profusely =P
and it meant a quiet day at swimming and work, which was okay =)
a nice anecdote after the last few!

not really much happening today, to rainy for camera!
here is a few quotes for you...

"Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people. "
- Eleanor  Roosevelt


"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."- Eleanor Roosevelt


"I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. "

missing and love you all!

Listening to ; Sofia Nizharadze - Shine 

still going strong!

so, I am still feeling the buzz of cosplaying at AIcon,
and have decided to put it to good use!
I have decided that i may go to Supanova in sydney this year! =D
I think the deciding factor here is whether or not i can find someone to come/ go with me,
I really wouldn't want to go alone.

I have looked at a few of the past cosplay winners for state and natioanl madman cosplay champs
in a few different categories..
and, well...
I think I can do it.
I think I can do better.
this is one the of the coolest  have found so far


and you know what?
gabranth - from Final Fantasy XII wouldn't you know, one of Vaan's worst enemies...
curious-ness....
yes, it is pretty amazing.

but I think I can do better.

I have decided on my cosplay i will do.
King Tolten- from Lost Odyssey

I think I can do it...
and if I do it well,
I think I can win...
so, perhaps, just perhaps...

and hey, the prize is a paid flight and accom. trip to Japan,
sowhat's to lose? =D

so yes, there is a LOT of detail.
but hey, detail is what's i'm good at.
so what do you think?
can I do it?
am I crazy? ( don't answer that one XD )

well i'ma gonna do it anyway.
starting tomorrow =D
and i will take my time and do it properly.
to my knowledge and search-y-ness,
I cannot find record of someone doing a Totlen cosplay before.
( I can see why I guess... )
but I love it. so i'm going to do it =)

love and miss you all!
wish me luck, i'm gonna need it =D
xoxo

Listening to ; SHINee - Love like oxygen

AIcon

was AWESOME =D
and my costume looked cool, 
and while i didn;t win i got the honourable mention ( yeah, kinda sad XD )
but look who won! =D 

( the two in amazing girls in the middle won! )

( i'm the one on the right =D )

the detail on those two was incredible! a titanic effort!
you can't see it in this one,
i'll upload more photos when I can,
so much fun and so many cool costumes!

I hope you have all had an amazing weekend as i did!
love and miss you
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; SHINee - Hello

back!

What can i say?
I love being back in Hobart!

so nice, to be back in home city.
everything just seems more...
right.
and you see so many people!
so different from launceston where I very rarely see anyone i know ^.^;

and super excited for AIcon tomorrow and sunday =D
going to be so cool!
as long as i can just get the last tiny few bits of costume done =D

oh, and  happy thought;
I have recieved a few compliments lately at for, just fir simplu being goodat what you do"
and have had several people come up to me later after speaking to them earlier
and thanking me.

and it makes your day!

so, next time you think someone at a workplace does there job well,
please,
tell them?
it take a few seconds, but will make a few hours go by that much better for someone else =)

missing and see you all soon!

Listening to; T-ara - Roly-Poly

dandy + costume

Yes!
have finally ordered my sexy underwear XD
but may take tow weeks or so to get here D=

Vaan costume is going well!
just a lot to do,
hence why I haven't been posting heaps,
currently on a break doing an all-nighter
to get the fabrics done :3
but looking very cool!
and yes I'll make sure photos go up,
( so excited for Aicon! =D )
photos of that too =D
and I would have putting it-together photos...
except my room is a disgrace
...
so no =P

but yeah.
one last thing that is keeping me awake currently

"No one looks back on their life and remember the nights they had plenty of sleep"

which is very, very true!
and one I think I may have to pay more attention to of late :3

hope you are all well,
I miss you xoxo


Listening to ; Super Junior- No Other

costumes!

and in other news, last night I dreamed
that I made out with the Josh Thomas.
not that any of you needed to know that.
sorry.
it's just I very rarely remember my dreams,
so I enjoy them when I can =D

back of the random tangent...
umm costume.right.
is going well.
although my room now has no distinguishable floor.
but it is going well!
i still have a fair bit of fabric work to do
( which i have very rarely done before without a sewing machine )
which is why it's taking me so long
but i will get there!
and super excited for AIcon! =D
weeeee!

hope i will see most of you there? =D

missing you all and hope you are well.
ayrton


Listening to ; Caroban - Niña & Nina

the rest of the world don't understand me

my corny-ness has officially reached
critical levels.

when I woke up this morning
( at the wonderful time of four twenty am ... )
I found that I had, in my sleep, made all the cushions in my bed into a man shape,
including an arm around me,
and has promptly slept on what would have been his shoulder/chest.

thankfully, my first thought was
"oh wow that is going to be bad for my neck,"

so yeah.
#killmenow

 ( also - I use hash tags yes,
some people rage against them on facebook?
I don't know why...
all I know is that Josh Tomas
started using them about a year and a half ago? )

well, that;s my excuse anyway XD

and in the process of ordering these...

for myself! XD
hehehee!

shudup, it's my money and i'll do what I want with it!
cool scandanavian brand sexy underwear FTW!
=D

well, missing you all heaps, and hope everyone is well.
ayrton

Listening to ; Hello - SHINee

lost my voice

yeah.
well that's what I get for working nearly
eleven hours straight on a busy day
with far, far to many little children.

But that's okay. Because today is the
main australian Mardi Gras
( held in Sydney, many many hundreds
of kilometres way from me unfortunately...)

but well I was at least in the spirit for it =D
I just hope my boss didn't mind me wearing
so many wristbands and such today with my uniform
XD

So now I shall turn up the music since home alone
and make some salad for dinner =D
and have as much fun as I can
I can just imagine I'm at Mardi Gras.

ahh well, one day. one day.
hope you have all had  a great day,

te'amo
jag älskar dig 
je t'aime
te quiero
I love you



Listening to ; Juliana Pasha - It's All About You

a little day outing

today was the Launceston cup!
so get very nicely dressed up
and went out after a brinch at our house
with my gorgeous housemate,
then by luck and chance ran into
and good old college friend =D
was so good to catch up and chat!

and then , we all entered into the fashion competition,
and while I didn;t do that well, she won!
a return trip to Paris and all flights and five days
accommodation at a selection of hotels paid for!
and then we got these cards things
( at first no idea what they are for,
so wandered around with them trying to find out what they were,
and found of they got us into the club casino marquee
( this city's more prestigious places and a very well to do area )
and spent the rest of the arvo chatting with the premier,
a few people from dancing with the stars,
and oh so many cool people!
they were all so lovely!

and we got free nibbles and champange!
so amazing!

I could definitely get used to it.
may just have to do it a little more often
=D

hope you have all had an amazing day,
love and miss you all!
ayrton - and a special love to my friend lauren!
( the amazing beautiful girl who won )
=D

but of course she will be all over the papers and news tonight no doubt =P

Listening to ; Angel - Mika Newton

promise me this

I will not be a little person.
it is something I tell myself everyday.
I will be the best I can be,
the best version of me.

I will have success,
 whatever that may be by my definition.

I will not just fade into the background little world,
I will not. because I know who I am,
and I am smart, intelligent, disciplined ,
compassionate, loyal and yes,
I know I still have ever so much to learn.
and I am willing, and I love it.

so don't count me out just yet!



little writing by yours truly =P
feeling it a bit methinks...

hope you are all well and miss you lots!
ayrton

Listening to : Renee Olstead - I Want A Love That Will Last

new

I have new bathers =D

not really, it's a lie.
I just brought up some old ones from home
and got a few comments on funky new bathers.
hehehe :3

okay.moving on....

I dislike generic names.
I know so may ben's it's not even funny.
have worked with so many.
been to high school primary
 school and college with so many!
and tom's
and daniel's
and ed's
and oliver's
and james'
argh!

I get so confused!
it's horrible!
how am i expected to remember everyone's names
when half of people share the name
with another that works with them anyway?!
argh!


so.
please.
be different. be cool.
don't ever have or name someone or
something horribly generic name.

please, choose something a bit outside the norm.
but not some random bogan fudge like shaniqua or something...
 **shudder**
urgh!

ahh well.
anyway, having an unusual name is cool,
it's an okay conversation starter too
=P

love and miss you all
ayrton

Listening too ; Lena - Satellite

so

we are only human.
ignorance is both a blessing and a curse.
yes, I am apologising right now,
and yes, those few lines are how i would normally end a justification or excuse for making mistakes.
and yes, as true as they may be,
they never quite calm my conscience
and I know I should be sleeping right now
but I can't.
so do it now and hopefully my conscience will let me sleep.

i do now know if it is right to do thus publicly ( online :3 )
but as i vented my annoyance and anger online I do not think it would do justice without the apology also.
it feels more right this was, if  a little less human, and I regret that also.

anyway, to the point.
my words were in anger, which is never a good reason to do anything.
I apologise, I spoke when i was not aware of circumstances I should have been, i was not aware and i was not thinking off all possibilities, and my actions and words were thus totally unjustified and wrong even though i was ignorant.
to say and white such, especially for others to see, is horrible and belittling and offensive.
for this I have no excuse and there is none.
I was simply in the wrong, and was not brave enough and did not know how or what to say.
I have already forgiven this person and I wish I had never said as such.
I was just confused, tired and out of place and wanting to feel intelligent and useful.
I should not have gone out of my place and said and judged as I did.

I do now know who ever or who else may or may not be reading this,
but please know this.
if i am angry, out you or another,
know that i will regret immensely everything i say and do during that time,
and though i know better, occasionally i am stupid enough to do such things as venting my anger that may actually affect some one,
as opposed to just going and training for two hours to break myself or scribbling all down whilst crying my heart out then putting the pages to fire.

but no matter how angry or annoyed at you i may seem, know that within two or three hours i will likely be more full of regret and shame and remorse of such words and actions that i may merely think that it puts me to tears.

I hold loyalty above all else, and if I count you as a friend,
please be aware that no matter the grievousness I will always forgive you, always.
I am sorry to apologise like this, and I do wish to apologise in person, and I will,
but I feel this was also necessary as my words in anger were also public, and that in itself was very wrong.

and for those who don't know, I'm sorry.
I have never been very confident, and avoid confrontation to the point of idiocy on my part, even if it only makes things worse.
I am really not very confident when it comes to talking to people,
and I am quite aware I lack social communication skills, and for that I hope you can forgive me, now and in advance,
I am doing my best I promise.

and yes, this was already drafted when you apologised to me, I was just unsure how to finish and figured i'd wait till I'd slept on and assembled my thought better.but now my conscience is killing me. so yes this was needed.sorry!

inspiration

sorry for all the anger.
I don't like it when I'm angry or annoyed either i promise.
I'm just glad it never lasts more than an hour or two.

so, here's some happy thoughts and inspiration for you From Eleanor Roosevelt.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."


"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."


and don't fret,
I will make sure I try to include quotes in most of my posts now,
either of my own or another's design =)


missing and love you all,

ayrton

Listening to; Arlene Zelena - love the way you lie

silly government

yeah.
someone has just annoyed me lately, so retreating out and decided to put my frustration to something productive.

writing to a senate inquiry to marriage equality in this country.
probably shabby. will work a few more minutes. just had to vent annoyance/ frustration.



I wish for this this discrimination to end.
legally there are thankfully only a few pieces of legal discrimination against the LGBTI community.

Because hopefully it will begin the end of discrimination of LBGTI people within the Australian community.

I grew up so scared and terrifed of who I was.
I thought I was wrong, that I was nothing, nothing to be proud of, or to be.
Since then, I have been many things.
I have been an Australian Swimming Champion, I have topped scores in my studies across my state for Philosophy, English and Ancient Civilizations in my College years.
I continue to do so in my University years.
I ask you, how you under what possible moral justification are allowing someone who has murdered another, who has belittled or committed crimes against humanity,
such a basic human right that you will not grant me?
Who are you to say that I am a lesser citizen and do not deserve such a basic legal right I ask you?
Do not even think you can.
That is what I have spent so many years studying.
Trying to figure out why people hate me so much, merely for who I am, before they no what I am like, what I have done, even before they have spoken to me.

I want this legal discrimination to end, and hopefully, it will end so much hate.
To those of you who believe it is a bad thing,
fine. You are entitled to your beliefs, you opinions and hate, prejudice and bigotry.
but no, there is no way you can morally justify how your beliefs, that should deprive me of such a right, any right, when I have done ought wrong but be who I am.



argh. I do not writing such things, and I hate that I sound so prideful, but sometimes you have to gain someone's respect quickly for your words to have any weight or influence.

oh well. if the australian government doesn't do something soon, so be it. I have no reason to stay in a country that values hate and prejudice and ignore what is right and not always easy.



ayrton.

Listening to - Marina & the Diamonds - Fear and Loathing

lazy

still feeling sluggish and wanting to curl up in bed!

but oh well.

I have work at least tomorrow!

and tesltra person should come 

and install internet at our house!

should. bah!

I have been swimming a lot lately, 

and working, which means that 

of course I have seen lots of people 

I used to swim and compete against 

not that long ago when I swum competitively

and I am never sure to say hello or not,

I even work with a few I used to race against.

one is really nice, he's a cool guy.

the others...not so warm towards me apparently?

argh, I guess that's why I never quite went 

the whole nine yards with swimming.

I never quite fitted in with everyone else.

I was never very well...

liked by everyone, or real friends with them, I suppose.

and now they all see me training so hard again, 

if i keep up my regime, in a few months 

I should be almost back to top form I was when I quit.

and I don't know what I'll do then.

but I know this.

the one thing that helped me get over being 

such a loner in swimming 

was that I knew I enjoyed it, that I trained harder than anyone else, 

that I was a disciplined and as dedicated as any other to it.

although I did not have as much money to 

spend on gym and lots of proper food 

or  for race entry fee's as everyone else.

but  I was never great in the races anyway.

although I trained as hard , if not harder,

than everyone else in training.

I don't know.

I think I just didn't quite have the natural talent of the others.

or, I think I was scared of them. I mean of course

I was scared of those I raced against. and I didn't get

 that adrenalin rush or huge competitive streak they all had.

so when it came to big races I never did very well.

I mean by my times i should have won, but when it 

came to a big race I could never quite

 put myself mentally or physically up to it.

So, to everyone who ever feels scared of worried 

about having to push yourself against others,
here is one tidbit of advice that was the one thing

 that stopped me being a complete and

 total failure when it came to racing ;

"There really isn't much difference between an angry mob screaming abuse and booing at you,

and an adoring and cheering crowd. They're both just making a lot of noise. 

convince yourself they're cheering for you,
and someday they will."

little world

Hi guys.
really don't know what to say.
feeling not so super lately.
today was kinda  a day where
you just want to cuddle up in bed next to someone all day.
meh.
I never understood it or had this want until today.
I think I'm just getting old

but that's okay.
today was nice, went for a nice swim with my old housemate lizzie,
she's very cool, then went into town and had chat with her
over coffee and lunch.
just talking about everything,
from boyfriends, to uni,
to family, to missing our friends,
to food and hobbies,
to growing up, to places we've been
( she has for more in this department to talk about though.. )
and I think ...
that although ,
she is only a year or two my senior.
I think I have a lot to look forward to
as we all do.


missing you all and hope you are well,
ayrton <3

Listening to ; The Fear - Lily Allen

Frozen

So I woke up this morning,
and had a few mins to spare,
checked THC
and found
This amazing photo from Netherlands,


and it reminded me of my grandfather telling me
of winter times in Denmark, of the long open plan houses , and scenes very much like this,
sitting out on a frozen river or fjord ,
and just rugging up, taking a table and chairs out,
as many of the café's and such would,
and just sitting out layered and
snuggled up in war, scarves, jackets,
beanies and fluffy socks and boots,

watch the ice and air itself steaming around you,
and a big bowl or soups and a hunk of cheese and bread

it makes me wish of winter times!
well, if only it ever snowed and got so cold here!
I would be fine, I am the only guard at work
who goes out in the mornings and doesn't take a jacket,

and everyone else just thinks I'm so weird =P

so yes, I think when I'm older I'll find somewhere where I can
find my ice and snow =D


hope you are all well
loving and missing you all,
ayrton

Listening to ; C'est Ma Vie - Evelina Sasenko

Be My Valetine?

okay, or not...

but if you are single and felling lonely, please, 

don't do the whole meladramatic 

"Forever alone' 

mentality.

Please.

It's just sad..

I mean, at least try to have fun...

I think that I, for example, would be

"Forever the short one"

because that's some shit that I know is never going to change.

don't be forever alone.

 forever is a hell of along time, 

and trust me, someone out there is crazy about you!

But. 

enough!

I have had a super day,

I went shopping and bought some awesome stuff for only $40

then grabbed coffee & lunch in town involving too many cookies 

( and seriously, gigantic coffee's this place... )

then went for a long nice swim in the sun to work of shameful fatty foods =P

 now I am home alone pumping up the music and dancing away, then going to watch Beauty and the beast before early start tomorrow morning for work! D=

love you and miss you all,
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; Harel Skaat - Kama Od Efshar

Corny, Romantic, Cliche . . . = For the win!

So yes!
it's that day again people!
Today is Valetines Day,
When we get to be shamelessly hopeless, corny, romantic, soppy and cliché and no one can tell us off....
so,
when i look at it, as a single person, I really don;t have any options that aren't considered corny/ cliché

1) sit at home all day watching crappy tv/ movies eating lots of chcoclate ( or in my case, fruit as i refuse to buy chocolate as much as possible.. )

( this is me , minus lots of food, feel free to insert your own jar of nuttela, blocks of dairy and darck chcolate, piles of mint slices etc... )

or..

2)
cry in my dark room about all the boys I have ever had a cruch on and why they all think i'm hideous and don't like me and listening to endless sad- cry- my -heart-out music. ( Adele's 21 album on repeat comes to mind for cliché.. )

3) send bunches or chocolates and roses out to all those crushes ( a few days previous of course )
and sit around all day waiting for a message or other sign of communication from said persons ) 

( sorry, don't have a photo for this one! )

or 4) , I could do what I plan on doing, 2which is going into town dressed up playing all my happy music, doing some chopping, swimming and sunbaking in this gorgeous weather =D

I'll give you photos when I get back =P

so, no matter what, smile, have a good day,
please don't mope around make the most of it,I hope this day gives you the strength and courage
to stand up and say to those people you like, love , have a crush on or whatever,
I hope today you find it real enough to stand up and do something =)

missing and love you all =)
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; Bubbly - Colby Callait

Festivale

well, I had an awesome time at festivale,
lots of good food,
( and I don't doubt fine drink XD )
found a nice seat on the grass in front of the smaller stage
with some cool music playing =)

and a good time =)

ran into soo many people from work!
even my boss =P

all good fun =D

and yes, I finally worked out how to use my camera =P

...facepaint

I have not had my face painted in sooooo long!
and I was At Festivale last night and so people had theirs painted!
I was so envious!

and I ate soooo much food! =D
and saw heaps of people from work,
most awkward thing seeing your boss when they've had a little to drink XD
hehehee
but also kinda cool :3

and, well, I'll say this much for my new place I'm living in :
it's rather lonely,
one of our housemates just randomly moved out the other day,
and my other, a very good friend, is hardly ever home!
it feels so strange to come home to an empty and quiet house....
can't say I like it, I prefer company
#sadness

but oh well.
valentine's day is soon, maybe i will get an amazing valentine, and thus an amazing boyfriend,
and then all problems will be solved.
hahaha, I wish XD

what do you think of valentine's day?
like/ dislike?

I like it, for all the opposite reasons of everyone else I think =P

oh well, enough rambling, sorry!

hope you are all well,
I love and miss you lots xx
ayrton

Listening to : Inga & Anush - Jan-jan

what's in a name?

yeah, I had a bit of fun today at work...
it was terrible weather, but we had two holiday school groups in,

Some of the kids noticed my name badge,
and attempting to be smart-alec-ish,
tried to say it...

suffice to say it took them, half a dozen other kids and two of their teachers about twenty mins before one of them got it right XD

sometimes, just sometimes....

I enjoy having a strange and unusual name :3


In other news, the weather is terrible, my cold is worsening D=

so now I sit in my giant bed writing this, cuddled up in my doona with a big bowl of fruit salad and warm drink of lemon, honey and ginger,
being good. not having chocolate =P
and lots of corny feel good movies lined up =D

hope you are all well,
I love you
xoxo

Listening to ; Marina & The Diamonds - Fear and Loathing

so confused...

but in other news, we had two sets of identical twins at the pool today. the two boys were wearing different shirts, and I didn't see them together for like an hour and half...
god I thought I was actually going mental O.o
my head was doing backflips....
which are strictly not allowed under any circumstance...

Argh...
and I nearly fell into the water again..
but at least I worked out how I managed it last time XD

and I've worked out I have so little understanding of most social situations it ridiculous.
but also slight entertaining and fun...
almost.

and i'm also sick.
bargh I immensely dislike sickness...
hence all the whining..sorry.
if one of those kid's I had to pull out from the water got me sick...
they're going right back in, floaties or no!


missing you all hugely,
hope you are super
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; Through and Through - Paris Wells

sometimes, a little bit crazy is alright...

it helps keep us all sane =P
so, I should apologise for the other day in my story about work, rowan, the other shift leader is actually a really great guy, and I apart from that one time i haven't had any quarrels with him, although he is somewhat too relaxed occasionally I think.
but that's okay, he makes up for it my getting along with everyone and knowing everyone really well
and knowing all our regular patrons is a very valuable thing!

so, since I am now working heaps, I will try to avoid just getting al my work stuff  of my head and on here, no need for you to suffer that =P

In other news, I finally got my new toy!
my camera is finally here =D
so happy! i have spent the last day and half ( when not working )
playing with it and reading up on it to work out how to use it XD

So much fun to come!
Festivale is also on this weekend in this city,
good time to road test it I think? =D

hope you are all well, missing and loving you,
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; Regina Spektor - Better

Summer's end

I think they're wrong
when they say, "tough, the world isn't always fair"

When people justify their actions because they say things aren't always fair, best just get used to it.

No. I don't believe you.
because so many people don't even try to be fair enough more, barely even think about it.

So, here's what i think.
try.
be fair,
no matter how hard a day you're having, be fair, smile and be happy,
make someone else's day that much better.

I think if we can try this, perhaps,
just perhaps,
we can make this world a fair place.


loving and missing you all,
ayrton xoxo

Listening to : Gossip - Heavy Cross

i'm a hooker? O.o

Yeah...
just got back from trip to Maria Island with my good friends
=)
was very awesome, and suffice to say lots of funny stories to tell =P
mostly involving my friend Dane and myself  torturing Samii and Emma
with lots of 'Single Ladies' singing and dancing XD

and some random photographer came and took photos of Samii, Emma and I...
for some photography of tourism book fro Tasmania...so if you see me , that's why =P
and I was also deemed the "jock" for being shirtless for a large amount of time...

but in all fairness, so was everyone else!
just never when the camera's where around -.-

and epic photos on top of mountains =D

and samii poking possums with sticks and then trying to step on thier face in drunken rage....
and chasing all the geese....

and me being terrified my snakes O.o


it was awesome!
will have photos up asap =D

oh, and what do you do when you think you have a crush on someone that lives several hundred miles away? O.o

XD


love and miss you all
<3

Listening to ; Sofia Nizharadze - Shine

believe it or not...

I am actually still alive =P

I am sorry, I have just been working heaps!
so, a work story is fitting I suppose....

today we had really bad weather- for the last few weeks it has been amazingly sunny, and today we had torrential rain!
and of course our outdoor slide was still running,
which runs from a high up stand about five metres of the ground
which means it is very open the elements ,
and one of our lifeguard, jack,
I don't really know him that well but he's a nice guy,
and well our shift leader ( my boss/ manager on deck if you like )
had accidentally skipped him in our rotations,

now there were so few people using the slide due to the appalling weather,
not to mention all we get is a thin little water proof coat,
( that really doesn't work that well )
and I know how cold it gets, and as such he'd got stuck up there for half an hour already.
 on most days we would have closed about four, but thanks too the amazing weather lately we close it much later,
and i felt really bad about him being stuck up there for so long, so i asked one of the other guards ( who is also a shift leader ) if i could go up and if nothing else swap places with him so he wasn't stuck up in the freezing cold for longer than he should have been

but got the classic "na, he'll be right" response.
i don't know why but it made me irritated, I know sometimes they get caught up and miss rotations, but to be stuck up there for so long, is not only unprofessional its was also not right as it was unsafe and unfair.
so, i signalled him a rotate, and told him just to swap positions.

then, when he came for a rotation half an hour later ( jack would have been up in pouring rain and a huge amount of wind for over an hour by now )
and found him( jack ) waiting down in the lower outdoor section
he came up and asked me what was up and why i'd swapped.
and ijust said,
"well, i know it's not my place and i'm still new here, but nevertheless ,
i just didn't think it was proffesional or fair on jack for him to be stuck up here in such foul weather for over and hour, especially when we shouldn't even have the slide open in this weather, so i thought the least i could do was relieve him for the last part or the rotation,"
and of course, i got a bit of a talking to for this, as i had gone against what he had said,
and of course to go directly against what a senior guard has said is hardly welcomed, of course he spoke to anne ( or current shift leader ) about him.
ten minutes later,
he came and apologised to me, and said that while i had gone against another's word, i had taken the initiative, jack shouldn't have been up there that long, and that was her fault for forgetting him, and that i had done the right thing.

people like her remind me that yes, there are always people who are good, and who care more on just thier position for what is right. i had a few moment like that today. very happy day :3

don't worry, i tell you more tomorrow =P

love ayrton,
missing you all muchly!

listening too : SHINee - Hello 

back

so, now i sit back in my chair,
feeling very strange
launceston home doesn't feel the same
after over two weeks back at my home,
I haven't spent that long there in over a year now!

( also, sorry, camera is chosen, but stupid bills keep coming! >.< )

so strange...not helped that i broke with my boyfriend yesterday...
oh well.
back to being completely obsessed with Rasmus I suppose XD
it's fine...
it keep me motivated,
keeps me dreaming....

it's like the one thing you know you will always have to aspire to, but
but never quite want to/ scared to achieve....
in the mean time, it keeps me active, healthy and disciplined =D

just don't let me move to sweden XD

missing you all xx

Listening to ; Is It True - Yohanna

theatre vs movie

which do you prefer?

personally i love a good play or musical
i.e Spring Awakening, Wicked, Legally Blonde etc,

But really looking forward to a few good movie coming out!
or just have..

Tin-tin looks awesome, and always been a big fan XD
and another one has just come out and the cinema's...
but mind blanked.

owww! but saw a trailer for The Hobbit !
zomg! XD
it looks amazing!
go find the trailer, i can't figure out how to link it this early in the morning XD

but yes. shot in same areas, so keeps to good scenery, and graphically still very simialr,
i jusrt hope they've ( mostly ) kept to the books =D
argh!
#totallynotfangirl-ing#

love you all
xo

Listening to ; Younha - 1, 2, 3

gott nytt år

hope you all had a good one!

what do you think of new year's resolutions?

I find, it helps if you go with just the small things, if you try something to big and drastic ,
 it's simply too hard...and if it needs to e that big and drastic,
 why are you waiting until new years!?
=P

hope you are all well =)
<3

Listening to : Lidia Kopania - I Don't Wanna Leave