a little day outing

today was the Launceston cup!
so get very nicely dressed up
and went out after a brinch at our house
with my gorgeous housemate,
then by luck and chance ran into
and good old college friend =D
was so good to catch up and chat!

and then , we all entered into the fashion competition,
and while I didn;t do that well, she won!
a return trip to Paris and all flights and five days
accommodation at a selection of hotels paid for!
and then we got these cards things
( at first no idea what they are for,
so wandered around with them trying to find out what they were,
and found of they got us into the club casino marquee
( this city's more prestigious places and a very well to do area )
and spent the rest of the arvo chatting with the premier,
a few people from dancing with the stars,
and oh so many cool people!
they were all so lovely!

and we got free nibbles and champange!
so amazing!

I could definitely get used to it.
may just have to do it a little more often
=D

hope you have all had an amazing day,
love and miss you all!
ayrton - and a special love to my friend lauren!
( the amazing beautiful girl who won )
=D

but of course she will be all over the papers and news tonight no doubt =P

Listening to ; Angel - Mika Newton

promise me this

I will not be a little person.
it is something I tell myself everyday.
I will be the best I can be,
the best version of me.

I will have success,
 whatever that may be by my definition.

I will not just fade into the background little world,
I will not. because I know who I am,
and I am smart, intelligent, disciplined ,
compassionate, loyal and yes,
I know I still have ever so much to learn.
and I am willing, and I love it.

so don't count me out just yet!



little writing by yours truly =P
feeling it a bit methinks...

hope you are all well and miss you lots!
ayrton

Listening to : Renee Olstead - I Want A Love That Will Last

new

I have new bathers =D

not really, it's a lie.
I just brought up some old ones from home
and got a few comments on funky new bathers.
hehehe :3

okay.moving on....

I dislike generic names.
I know so may ben's it's not even funny.
have worked with so many.
been to high school primary
 school and college with so many!
and tom's
and daniel's
and ed's
and oliver's
and james'
argh!

I get so confused!
it's horrible!
how am i expected to remember everyone's names
when half of people share the name
with another that works with them anyway?!
argh!


so.
please.
be different. be cool.
don't ever have or name someone or
something horribly generic name.

please, choose something a bit outside the norm.
but not some random bogan fudge like shaniqua or something...
 **shudder**
urgh!

ahh well.
anyway, having an unusual name is cool,
it's an okay conversation starter too
=P

love and miss you all
ayrton

Listening too ; Lena - Satellite

so

we are only human.
ignorance is both a blessing and a curse.
yes, I am apologising right now,
and yes, those few lines are how i would normally end a justification or excuse for making mistakes.
and yes, as true as they may be,
they never quite calm my conscience
and I know I should be sleeping right now
but I can't.
so do it now and hopefully my conscience will let me sleep.

i do now know if it is right to do thus publicly ( online :3 )
but as i vented my annoyance and anger online I do not think it would do justice without the apology also.
it feels more right this was, if  a little less human, and I regret that also.

anyway, to the point.
my words were in anger, which is never a good reason to do anything.
I apologise, I spoke when i was not aware of circumstances I should have been, i was not aware and i was not thinking off all possibilities, and my actions and words were thus totally unjustified and wrong even though i was ignorant.
to say and white such, especially for others to see, is horrible and belittling and offensive.
for this I have no excuse and there is none.
I was simply in the wrong, and was not brave enough and did not know how or what to say.
I have already forgiven this person and I wish I had never said as such.
I was just confused, tired and out of place and wanting to feel intelligent and useful.
I should not have gone out of my place and said and judged as I did.

I do now know who ever or who else may or may not be reading this,
but please know this.
if i am angry, out you or another,
know that i will regret immensely everything i say and do during that time,
and though i know better, occasionally i am stupid enough to do such things as venting my anger that may actually affect some one,
as opposed to just going and training for two hours to break myself or scribbling all down whilst crying my heart out then putting the pages to fire.

but no matter how angry or annoyed at you i may seem, know that within two or three hours i will likely be more full of regret and shame and remorse of such words and actions that i may merely think that it puts me to tears.

I hold loyalty above all else, and if I count you as a friend,
please be aware that no matter the grievousness I will always forgive you, always.
I am sorry to apologise like this, and I do wish to apologise in person, and I will,
but I feel this was also necessary as my words in anger were also public, and that in itself was very wrong.

and for those who don't know, I'm sorry.
I have never been very confident, and avoid confrontation to the point of idiocy on my part, even if it only makes things worse.
I am really not very confident when it comes to talking to people,
and I am quite aware I lack social communication skills, and for that I hope you can forgive me, now and in advance,
I am doing my best I promise.

and yes, this was already drafted when you apologised to me, I was just unsure how to finish and figured i'd wait till I'd slept on and assembled my thought better.but now my conscience is killing me. so yes this was needed.sorry!

inspiration

sorry for all the anger.
I don't like it when I'm angry or annoyed either i promise.
I'm just glad it never lasts more than an hour or two.

so, here's some happy thoughts and inspiration for you From Eleanor Roosevelt.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."


"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."


and don't fret,
I will make sure I try to include quotes in most of my posts now,
either of my own or another's design =)


missing and love you all,

ayrton

Listening to; Arlene Zelena - love the way you lie

silly government

yeah.
someone has just annoyed me lately, so retreating out and decided to put my frustration to something productive.

writing to a senate inquiry to marriage equality in this country.
probably shabby. will work a few more minutes. just had to vent annoyance/ frustration.



I wish for this this discrimination to end.
legally there are thankfully only a few pieces of legal discrimination against the LGBTI community.

Because hopefully it will begin the end of discrimination of LBGTI people within the Australian community.

I grew up so scared and terrifed of who I was.
I thought I was wrong, that I was nothing, nothing to be proud of, or to be.
Since then, I have been many things.
I have been an Australian Swimming Champion, I have topped scores in my studies across my state for Philosophy, English and Ancient Civilizations in my College years.
I continue to do so in my University years.
I ask you, how you under what possible moral justification are allowing someone who has murdered another, who has belittled or committed crimes against humanity,
such a basic human right that you will not grant me?
Who are you to say that I am a lesser citizen and do not deserve such a basic legal right I ask you?
Do not even think you can.
That is what I have spent so many years studying.
Trying to figure out why people hate me so much, merely for who I am, before they no what I am like, what I have done, even before they have spoken to me.

I want this legal discrimination to end, and hopefully, it will end so much hate.
To those of you who believe it is a bad thing,
fine. You are entitled to your beliefs, you opinions and hate, prejudice and bigotry.
but no, there is no way you can morally justify how your beliefs, that should deprive me of such a right, any right, when I have done ought wrong but be who I am.



argh. I do not writing such things, and I hate that I sound so prideful, but sometimes you have to gain someone's respect quickly for your words to have any weight or influence.

oh well. if the australian government doesn't do something soon, so be it. I have no reason to stay in a country that values hate and prejudice and ignore what is right and not always easy.



ayrton.

Listening to - Marina & the Diamonds - Fear and Loathing

lazy

still feeling sluggish and wanting to curl up in bed!

but oh well.

I have work at least tomorrow!

and tesltra person should come 

and install internet at our house!

should. bah!

I have been swimming a lot lately, 

and working, which means that 

of course I have seen lots of people 

I used to swim and compete against 

not that long ago when I swum competitively

and I am never sure to say hello or not,

I even work with a few I used to race against.

one is really nice, he's a cool guy.

the others...not so warm towards me apparently?

argh, I guess that's why I never quite went 

the whole nine yards with swimming.

I never quite fitted in with everyone else.

I was never very well...

liked by everyone, or real friends with them, I suppose.

and now they all see me training so hard again, 

if i keep up my regime, in a few months 

I should be almost back to top form I was when I quit.

and I don't know what I'll do then.

but I know this.

the one thing that helped me get over being 

such a loner in swimming 

was that I knew I enjoyed it, that I trained harder than anyone else, 

that I was a disciplined and as dedicated as any other to it.

although I did not have as much money to 

spend on gym and lots of proper food 

or  for race entry fee's as everyone else.

but  I was never great in the races anyway.

although I trained as hard , if not harder,

than everyone else in training.

I don't know.

I think I just didn't quite have the natural talent of the others.

or, I think I was scared of them. I mean of course

I was scared of those I raced against. and I didn't get

 that adrenalin rush or huge competitive streak they all had.

so when it came to big races I never did very well.

I mean by my times i should have won, but when it 

came to a big race I could never quite

 put myself mentally or physically up to it.

So, to everyone who ever feels scared of worried 

about having to push yourself against others,
here is one tidbit of advice that was the one thing

 that stopped me being a complete and

 total failure when it came to racing ;

"There really isn't much difference between an angry mob screaming abuse and booing at you,

and an adoring and cheering crowd. They're both just making a lot of noise. 

convince yourself they're cheering for you,
and someday they will."

little world

Hi guys.
really don't know what to say.
feeling not so super lately.
today was kinda  a day where
you just want to cuddle up in bed next to someone all day.
meh.
I never understood it or had this want until today.
I think I'm just getting old

but that's okay.
today was nice, went for a nice swim with my old housemate lizzie,
she's very cool, then went into town and had chat with her
over coffee and lunch.
just talking about everything,
from boyfriends, to uni,
to family, to missing our friends,
to food and hobbies,
to growing up, to places we've been
( she has for more in this department to talk about though.. )
and I think ...
that although ,
she is only a year or two my senior.
I think I have a lot to look forward to
as we all do.


missing you all and hope you are well,
ayrton <3

Listening to ; The Fear - Lily Allen

Frozen

So I woke up this morning,
and had a few mins to spare,
checked THC
and found
This amazing photo from Netherlands,


and it reminded me of my grandfather telling me
of winter times in Denmark, of the long open plan houses , and scenes very much like this,
sitting out on a frozen river or fjord ,
and just rugging up, taking a table and chairs out,
as many of the café's and such would,
and just sitting out layered and
snuggled up in war, scarves, jackets,
beanies and fluffy socks and boots,

watch the ice and air itself steaming around you,
and a big bowl or soups and a hunk of cheese and bread

it makes me wish of winter times!
well, if only it ever snowed and got so cold here!
I would be fine, I am the only guard at work
who goes out in the mornings and doesn't take a jacket,

and everyone else just thinks I'm so weird =P

so yes, I think when I'm older I'll find somewhere where I can
find my ice and snow =D


hope you are all well
loving and missing you all,
ayrton

Listening to ; C'est Ma Vie - Evelina Sasenko

Be My Valetine?

okay, or not...

but if you are single and felling lonely, please, 

don't do the whole meladramatic 

"Forever alone' 

mentality.

Please.

It's just sad..

I mean, at least try to have fun...

I think that I, for example, would be

"Forever the short one"

because that's some shit that I know is never going to change.

don't be forever alone.

 forever is a hell of along time, 

and trust me, someone out there is crazy about you!

But. 

enough!

I have had a super day,

I went shopping and bought some awesome stuff for only $40

then grabbed coffee & lunch in town involving too many cookies 

( and seriously, gigantic coffee's this place... )

then went for a long nice swim in the sun to work of shameful fatty foods =P

 now I am home alone pumping up the music and dancing away, then going to watch Beauty and the beast before early start tomorrow morning for work! D=

love you and miss you all,
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; Harel Skaat - Kama Od Efshar

Corny, Romantic, Cliche . . . = For the win!

So yes!
it's that day again people!
Today is Valetines Day,
When we get to be shamelessly hopeless, corny, romantic, soppy and cliché and no one can tell us off....
so,
when i look at it, as a single person, I really don;t have any options that aren't considered corny/ cliché

1) sit at home all day watching crappy tv/ movies eating lots of chcoclate ( or in my case, fruit as i refuse to buy chocolate as much as possible.. )

( this is me , minus lots of food, feel free to insert your own jar of nuttela, blocks of dairy and darck chcolate, piles of mint slices etc... )

or..

2)
cry in my dark room about all the boys I have ever had a cruch on and why they all think i'm hideous and don't like me and listening to endless sad- cry- my -heart-out music. ( Adele's 21 album on repeat comes to mind for cliché.. )

3) send bunches or chocolates and roses out to all those crushes ( a few days previous of course )
and sit around all day waiting for a message or other sign of communication from said persons ) 

( sorry, don't have a photo for this one! )

or 4) , I could do what I plan on doing, 2which is going into town dressed up playing all my happy music, doing some chopping, swimming and sunbaking in this gorgeous weather =D

I'll give you photos when I get back =P

so, no matter what, smile, have a good day,
please don't mope around make the most of it,I hope this day gives you the strength and courage
to stand up and say to those people you like, love , have a crush on or whatever,
I hope today you find it real enough to stand up and do something =)

missing and love you all =)
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; Bubbly - Colby Callait

Festivale

well, I had an awesome time at festivale,
lots of good food,
( and I don't doubt fine drink XD )
found a nice seat on the grass in front of the smaller stage
with some cool music playing =)

and a good time =)

ran into soo many people from work!
even my boss =P

all good fun =D

and yes, I finally worked out how to use my camera =P

...facepaint

I have not had my face painted in sooooo long!
and I was At Festivale last night and so people had theirs painted!
I was so envious!

and I ate soooo much food! =D
and saw heaps of people from work,
most awkward thing seeing your boss when they've had a little to drink XD
hehehee
but also kinda cool :3

and, well, I'll say this much for my new place I'm living in :
it's rather lonely,
one of our housemates just randomly moved out the other day,
and my other, a very good friend, is hardly ever home!
it feels so strange to come home to an empty and quiet house....
can't say I like it, I prefer company
#sadness

but oh well.
valentine's day is soon, maybe i will get an amazing valentine, and thus an amazing boyfriend,
and then all problems will be solved.
hahaha, I wish XD

what do you think of valentine's day?
like/ dislike?

I like it, for all the opposite reasons of everyone else I think =P

oh well, enough rambling, sorry!

hope you are all well,
I love and miss you lots xx
ayrton

Listening to : Inga & Anush - Jan-jan

what's in a name?

yeah, I had a bit of fun today at work...
it was terrible weather, but we had two holiday school groups in,

Some of the kids noticed my name badge,
and attempting to be smart-alec-ish,
tried to say it...

suffice to say it took them, half a dozen other kids and two of their teachers about twenty mins before one of them got it right XD

sometimes, just sometimes....

I enjoy having a strange and unusual name :3


In other news, the weather is terrible, my cold is worsening D=

so now I sit in my giant bed writing this, cuddled up in my doona with a big bowl of fruit salad and warm drink of lemon, honey and ginger,
being good. not having chocolate =P
and lots of corny feel good movies lined up =D

hope you are all well,
I love you
xoxo

Listening to ; Marina & The Diamonds - Fear and Loathing

so confused...

but in other news, we had two sets of identical twins at the pool today. the two boys were wearing different shirts, and I didn't see them together for like an hour and half...
god I thought I was actually going mental O.o
my head was doing backflips....
which are strictly not allowed under any circumstance...

Argh...
and I nearly fell into the water again..
but at least I worked out how I managed it last time XD

and I've worked out I have so little understanding of most social situations it ridiculous.
but also slight entertaining and fun...
almost.

and i'm also sick.
bargh I immensely dislike sickness...
hence all the whining..sorry.
if one of those kid's I had to pull out from the water got me sick...
they're going right back in, floaties or no!


missing you all hugely,
hope you are super
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; Through and Through - Paris Wells

sometimes, a little bit crazy is alright...

it helps keep us all sane =P
so, I should apologise for the other day in my story about work, rowan, the other shift leader is actually a really great guy, and I apart from that one time i haven't had any quarrels with him, although he is somewhat too relaxed occasionally I think.
but that's okay, he makes up for it my getting along with everyone and knowing everyone really well
and knowing all our regular patrons is a very valuable thing!

so, since I am now working heaps, I will try to avoid just getting al my work stuff  of my head and on here, no need for you to suffer that =P

In other news, I finally got my new toy!
my camera is finally here =D
so happy! i have spent the last day and half ( when not working )
playing with it and reading up on it to work out how to use it XD

So much fun to come!
Festivale is also on this weekend in this city,
good time to road test it I think? =D

hope you are all well, missing and loving you,
ayrton xoxo

Listening to ; Regina Spektor - Better

Summer's end

I think they're wrong
when they say, "tough, the world isn't always fair"

When people justify their actions because they say things aren't always fair, best just get used to it.

No. I don't believe you.
because so many people don't even try to be fair enough more, barely even think about it.

So, here's what i think.
try.
be fair,
no matter how hard a day you're having, be fair, smile and be happy,
make someone else's day that much better.

I think if we can try this, perhaps,
just perhaps,
we can make this world a fair place.


loving and missing you all,
ayrton xoxo

Listening to : Gossip - Heavy Cross

i'm a hooker? O.o

Yeah...
just got back from trip to Maria Island with my good friends
=)
was very awesome, and suffice to say lots of funny stories to tell =P
mostly involving my friend Dane and myself  torturing Samii and Emma
with lots of 'Single Ladies' singing and dancing XD

and some random photographer came and took photos of Samii, Emma and I...
for some photography of tourism book fro Tasmania...so if you see me , that's why =P
and I was also deemed the "jock" for being shirtless for a large amount of time...

but in all fairness, so was everyone else!
just never when the camera's where around -.-

and epic photos on top of mountains =D

and samii poking possums with sticks and then trying to step on thier face in drunken rage....
and chasing all the geese....

and me being terrified my snakes O.o


it was awesome!
will have photos up asap =D

oh, and what do you do when you think you have a crush on someone that lives several hundred miles away? O.o

XD


love and miss you all
<3

Listening to ; Sofia Nizharadze - Shine