a little day outing

today was the Launceston cup!
so get very nicely dressed up
and went out after a brinch at our house
with my gorgeous housemate,
then by luck and chance ran into
and good old college friend =D
was so good to catch up and chat!

and then , we all entered into the fashion competition,
and while I didn;t do that well, she won!
a return trip to Paris and all flights and five days
accommodation at a selection of hotels paid for!
and then we got these cards things
( at first no idea what they are for,
so wandered around with them trying to find out what they were,
and found of they got us into the club casino marquee
( this city's more prestigious places and a very well to do area )
and spent the rest of the arvo chatting with the premier,
a few people from dancing with the stars,
and oh so many cool people!
they were all so lovely!

and we got free nibbles and champange!
so amazing!

I could definitely get used to it.
may just have to do it a little more often
=D

hope you have all had an amazing day,
love and miss you all!
ayrton - and a special love to my friend lauren!
( the amazing beautiful girl who won )
=D

but of course she will be all over the papers and news tonight no doubt =P

Listening to ; Angel - Mika Newton

promise me this

I will not be a little person.
it is something I tell myself everyday.
I will be the best I can be,
the best version of me.

I will have success,
 whatever that may be by my definition.

I will not just fade into the background little world,
I will not. because I know who I am,
and I am smart, intelligent, disciplined ,
compassionate, loyal and yes,
I know I still have ever so much to learn.
and I am willing, and I love it.

so don't count me out just yet!



little writing by yours truly =P
feeling it a bit methinks...

hope you are all well and miss you lots!
ayrton

Listening to : Renee Olstead - I Want A Love That Will Last

new

I have new bathers =D

not really, it's a lie.
I just brought up some old ones from home
and got a few comments on funky new bathers.
hehehe :3

okay.moving on....

I dislike generic names.
I know so may ben's it's not even funny.
have worked with so many.
been to high school primary
 school and college with so many!
and tom's
and daniel's
and ed's
and oliver's
and james'
argh!

I get so confused!
it's horrible!
how am i expected to remember everyone's names
when half of people share the name
with another that works with them anyway?!
argh!


so.
please.
be different. be cool.
don't ever have or name someone or
something horribly generic name.

please, choose something a bit outside the norm.
but not some random bogan fudge like shaniqua or something...
 **shudder**
urgh!

ahh well.
anyway, having an unusual name is cool,
it's an okay conversation starter too
=P

love and miss you all
ayrton

Listening too ; Lena - Satellite

so

we are only human.
ignorance is both a blessing and a curse.
yes, I am apologising right now,
and yes, those few lines are how i would normally end a justification or excuse for making mistakes.
and yes, as true as they may be,
they never quite calm my conscience
and I know I should be sleeping right now
but I can't.
so do it now and hopefully my conscience will let me sleep.

i do now know if it is right to do thus publicly ( online :3 )
but as i vented my annoyance and anger online I do not think it would do justice without the apology also.
it feels more right this was, if  a little less human, and I regret that also.

anyway, to the point.
my words were in anger, which is never a good reason to do anything.
I apologise, I spoke when i was not aware of circumstances I should have been, i was not aware and i was not thinking off all possibilities, and my actions and words were thus totally unjustified and wrong even though i was ignorant.
to say and white such, especially for others to see, is horrible and belittling and offensive.
for this I have no excuse and there is none.
I was simply in the wrong, and was not brave enough and did not know how or what to say.
I have already forgiven this person and I wish I had never said as such.
I was just confused, tired and out of place and wanting to feel intelligent and useful.
I should not have gone out of my place and said and judged as I did.

I do now know who ever or who else may or may not be reading this,
but please know this.
if i am angry, out you or another,
know that i will regret immensely everything i say and do during that time,
and though i know better, occasionally i am stupid enough to do such things as venting my anger that may actually affect some one,
as opposed to just going and training for two hours to break myself or scribbling all down whilst crying my heart out then putting the pages to fire.

but no matter how angry or annoyed at you i may seem, know that within two or three hours i will likely be more full of regret and shame and remorse of such words and actions that i may merely think that it puts me to tears.

I hold loyalty above all else, and if I count you as a friend,
please be aware that no matter the grievousness I will always forgive you, always.
I am sorry to apologise like this, and I do wish to apologise in person, and I will,
but I feel this was also necessary as my words in anger were also public, and that in itself was very wrong.

and for those who don't know, I'm sorry.
I have never been very confident, and avoid confrontation to the point of idiocy on my part, even if it only makes things worse.
I am really not very confident when it comes to talking to people,
and I am quite aware I lack social communication skills, and for that I hope you can forgive me, now and in advance,
I am doing my best I promise.

and yes, this was already drafted when you apologised to me, I was just unsure how to finish and figured i'd wait till I'd slept on and assembled my thought better.but now my conscience is killing me. so yes this was needed.sorry!

inspiration

sorry for all the anger.
I don't like it when I'm angry or annoyed either i promise.
I'm just glad it never lasts more than an hour or two.

so, here's some happy thoughts and inspiration for you From Eleanor Roosevelt.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."


"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."


and don't fret,
I will make sure I try to include quotes in most of my posts now,
either of my own or another's design =)


missing and love you all,

ayrton

Listening to; Arlene Zelena - love the way you lie

silly government

yeah.
someone has just annoyed me lately, so retreating out and decided to put my frustration to something productive.

writing to a senate inquiry to marriage equality in this country.
probably shabby. will work a few more minutes. just had to vent annoyance/ frustration.



I wish for this this discrimination to end.
legally there are thankfully only a few pieces of legal discrimination against the LGBTI community.

Because hopefully it will begin the end of discrimination of LBGTI people within the Australian community.

I grew up so scared and terrifed of who I was.
I thought I was wrong, that I was nothing, nothing to be proud of, or to be.
Since then, I have been many things.
I have been an Australian Swimming Champion, I have topped scores in my studies across my state for Philosophy, English and Ancient Civilizations in my College years.
I continue to do so in my University years.
I ask you, how you under what possible moral justification are allowing someone who has murdered another, who has belittled or committed crimes against humanity,
such a basic human right that you will not grant me?
Who are you to say that I am a lesser citizen and do not deserve such a basic legal right I ask you?
Do not even think you can.
That is what I have spent so many years studying.
Trying to figure out why people hate me so much, merely for who I am, before they no what I am like, what I have done, even before they have spoken to me.

I want this legal discrimination to end, and hopefully, it will end so much hate.
To those of you who believe it is a bad thing,
fine. You are entitled to your beliefs, you opinions and hate, prejudice and bigotry.
but no, there is no way you can morally justify how your beliefs, that should deprive me of such a right, any right, when I have done ought wrong but be who I am.



argh. I do not writing such things, and I hate that I sound so prideful, but sometimes you have to gain someone's respect quickly for your words to have any weight or influence.

oh well. if the australian government doesn't do something soon, so be it. I have no reason to stay in a country that values hate and prejudice and ignore what is right and not always easy.



ayrton.

Listening to - Marina & the Diamonds - Fear and Loathing

lazy

still feeling sluggish and wanting to curl up in bed!

but oh well.

I have work at least tomorrow!

and tesltra person should come 

and install internet at our house!

should. bah!

I have been swimming a lot lately, 

and working, which means that 

of course I have seen lots of people 

I used to swim and compete against 

not that long ago when I swum competitively

and I am never sure to say hello or not,

I even work with a few I used to race against.

one is really nice, he's a cool guy.

the others...not so warm towards me apparently?

argh, I guess that's why I never quite went 

the whole nine yards with swimming.

I never quite fitted in with everyone else.

I was never very well...

liked by everyone, or real friends with them, I suppose.

and now they all see me training so hard again, 

if i keep up my regime, in a few months 

I should be almost back to top form I was when I quit.

and I don't know what I'll do then.

but I know this.

the one thing that helped me get over being 

such a loner in swimming 

was that I knew I enjoyed it, that I trained harder than anyone else, 

that I was a disciplined and as dedicated as any other to it.

although I did not have as much money to 

spend on gym and lots of proper food 

or  for race entry fee's as everyone else.

but  I was never great in the races anyway.

although I trained as hard , if not harder,

than everyone else in training.

I don't know.

I think I just didn't quite have the natural talent of the others.

or, I think I was scared of them. I mean of course

I was scared of those I raced against. and I didn't get

 that adrenalin rush or huge competitive streak they all had.

so when it came to big races I never did very well.

I mean by my times i should have won, but when it 

came to a big race I could never quite

 put myself mentally or physically up to it.

So, to everyone who ever feels scared of worried 

about having to push yourself against others,
here is one tidbit of advice that was the one thing

 that stopped me being a complete and

 total failure when it came to racing ;

"There really isn't much difference between an angry mob screaming abuse and booing at you,

and an adoring and cheering crowd. They're both just making a lot of noise. 

convince yourself they're cheering for you,
and someday they will."