spring is in the air!

WOOT!
such nice weather today!

we have had such nice weather this week!

..bar yesterday, when there was a storm
( but hey, that;s Tasmania for you -.- )

so, made full advantage of it today!
or, tried to.
my alarm clock hates me.

anyways,
it was actually so hot i was overheating waiting for the bus stop in
my shorts and open top shirt! ( it's purple =D )
so nice =D

and since I haven't indulged myself with a lunch for a few weeks,
I allowed myself today.
I found a tiny tiny cafe that does a huge variety of coffee's, so struck out on a limb and tried a "toffee coffee"
?    =P
was actually pretty cool =)

Oh!
you know those oversized smartie-cookies they sell everywhere?

i have never actually had one!
so i got one with my coffee,
and wow!
despite it being 2pm and not having eaten, i didn't actually manage to finish it! it was so filling!

oh, amusing moment ;
a car that was so stuffed up. i spent about fifteen seconds thinking,
" wow that toddler has an amazing set of lungs..."
and looking for the hoodie and tank-top clad toddler ,

before realising it was a car attempting to go around the corner....

I also discovered on wednesday,
that this city is not a hole, as so many would tell you.

no hole has so many friggin hills in it!
I, in my glorious time management and planning skills,
game myself about ten minutes to memorize the walk to the medical clinic from town on google maps,
just before I left home for it,
and estimated it would take me about half an hour walk.

thankfully, I have a good sense of direction,

because google maps gave no sense of scale, or terrain.

my legs, were so sore, when I got to the clinic, ( it was also sweltering-ly hot )
i was exhausted, and hadn't even started my medical examination.


what else.....


ahh yes!
sorry, I do love my tangents =P

so, I spent most of this afternoon wandering through city park, finding all the little nooks and shaded places,
and the sunny ones too =D
end enjoying the park in it's springtime beauty and peace =)
I love those gnarled old trees, which are just covered in boles,
that just make you think,
that is so climb-able....


and you momentarily forget there are several dozen other people in the park, you are a nineteen year old guy glad in white and purple ,
and begin mind mapping where you are going to put your hand, visualizing the climb to that awesome fork up the tree you can see,....
and just as you go to put that foot on the base and reach out for that bole with your hand,

reality come flooding back.

sucks, SO much.......


oh well.
one day, tree, when no one is watching...I am coming for you! =D

just kidding.
really.
pfft , who would do that....
call me?

pfft, joking, I swear >.>


anyway, that was my day, how was yours?
I hope it was well.
Be brave , and don't be afraid =)

<3

Listening to ; The Song of Purple Summer - Spring Awakening 

back in Launie...

Yay.....

oh well.

so, I was thinking today. ...
**internal dialogue** "that's good to hear ayrton, be worried if you weren't..."

about what we think of ourselves, and what we look like, an dhow we dress...

a lot we don't really have power over.

and I suppose I find that although i am far from the cutest or hottest guys out there,
or have the the best memory, the best intellect, best clothes, or the best skills with a brush, 

th best hair or what ever you are worried about with yourself,

i find it helps to think as if life is a game of poker.
we can't change the cards we have been dealt,
but , 

that doesn't matter so much.
if you can convince everyone else that you have different cards to the ones you have,
they don't really mean much now do they?
I found this works, and helps...sometimes.

at the very least, it's a lot of fun =P

okay!

sorry, that's all for today =P

hope you are all well =)

lots of love <3

listening to ; Christina Aquilera - Express

happiness found =D

yays!
al better now.


i sit at home lying on the big rug on our lounge room floor, in front of the fire with chocoloate,
 a bowl of ice-cream and a bowl of strawberries,
and my cute steffi puppy next to me!
and watching the emmy's.

( aka shoddy drama tv =P )
who could ask for more?

=)

listing to ; Morning Musume - Sexy Boy

happy quote ;

"you have to be you, as everyone else is taken,"

watched hairspray on the bus back to Hobart with jess, was good fun =)
and awesome girl to spend time with =)


felling a little better, listing to something that gives me some strength =)

sometimes you just need to get the tears out, and work upwards =)

loving and missing you =) xx

listening to ; Sofia Nizharadze - Shine

friday!

so, sorry again about last night's rant,
I have removed it,
I was bad of me, and rude and offensive.
I am sorry that I wrote it.
reason one why I shouldn't write when I am sad =P

anyways! very excited, i am going down to Hobart this weekend! so happy! will be trying to catch up with a few people as i can, which will be great!
haven't seen so many people in months!
I do miss seeing my friends so often =P

oh well.

and I will do my best to come down more over the holiday,s although that seems unlikely at best :/

but! oh well.
we have had a lot of sun shine today!
 mixed in with some rain and clouds, but we have had sun!
XD

ahh dear.

oh well. I must make the most of it whilst it lasts!
and I must enjoy this weekend =)
just have to sit back, relax , try not t worry, and try not to be sad,

and enjoy the city, enjoy salamanca! =D

and enjoy the fact that i am in my home city once again! =D

So. now i sit and home and watch so you think you can dance...some pretty cool stuff.some.... how strange.

how weird....I come home, and i sit alone in my own home.... how strange.

oh well, thank goodness I have my STEFFI! =D

oh well.
hope you are well,
I love and miss you <3

listening to ; Morning Musume - Onna ni Sachi Are

I got the job!...I think? XD

yeah...
i have to have a full medical screening...
drugs testing,
eyes and hearing testing,
....
and argh! so creepy! i have to give a supervised urine sample!
ARGH!
icky-ness!
argh! creepy and so yucky and super scared! >.<

thank god they are paying for it though! ahh well.


also, my happiness for today.
my sleep patterns of late has been something strange, and I have been feeling quite down i suppose.

so, i was a little bit sick of it by today.

so, as I always do, i got my skinny red jeans out,
found a nice simple light blue t-shirt length buisness shirt with checked  pattern on pocket and cuffs,
got my suspenders,
my funky belt and boots,
and my 8-bit bowtie =D

so much fun =D

still a little down in feeling though.
no idea why.

oh well.
someone cheer me up please? :/

oh! and we watched St Trinians last night!
so glad! such an awesome movie! =D

and i discovered that the child in Wuthering Heights has the same name as me! argh!
if i was named after a character in Wuthering Heights, I may have to change my name :/

oh well. downloading lots of music from St Trinians now, loved the last number =D

also! Glee!
although i have only watched about half a dozen episodes this year, I watched the premier for this upcoming season last night, was pretty good.

although, when they attempted to do a cover of Hairspray's you can't stop the beat, i hid in a corner and called it blasphemy. it was that bad. really. you just can't do that. it wasn't right....


other than that,awesome episode, loved it =)
and please, I am not a gleek,
and as a rule i rarely prefer their covers to the original.
I don't know, I suppose it's just my occasional dose of drama.
characters...I don't actually like many of them :/
they all annoy me, they don't seem...real...?

i mean, i like mercedes, she is awesome, and tina and mike, very cool =D

kurt...annoys me the most. I know , that being a gay guy i should for some reaspn love him, but his character is appalling! so self absorbed and arrogant...
and he really puches it soetimes. i don't like his outfits :/

Blaine , on the other hand, is awesome, he is a more relaxed, not so over the top character.
and, bonus, he is super sexy >.<

n.b. no, not a crush, i just think he's cute. I have never had a celebrity crush, neither do i plan to. that would just be plain silly and pointless.
pfft. honestly,
I have that much control over my emotions, jeez =P

ahh well. I hope you are well,
I love you  =) xx

listening to ; Morning Musume - Onna to Otoko no Lullaby Game

Judgement.

okay.
warning, this is a late night-I-wish-I-was-with-someone-ramble.
stuart, if you are reading this, just don't =P


So, I was thinking
( consciousness says;" oh god this is how they all start...")
about thinking, I suppose.
how we are all our own most harsh critique of our own work,
 and how we look,
about everything we do and say,
how well we do,
in life,
in work,
i school....
and we punish ourselves enough for our actions and mistakes more often than not,
with our own guilty and emotional stress we place on ourselves with regret, remorse and chagrin.

but how strange is it, because, we are never actually a very good judge of ourselves?
I don't know how to say this...we never really realise who we are for ourselves, I think.

do you understand?
we never really figure out our own style,
or how we work best,
what we are best at,
what kind of people we are,
where we fit....

don't you think?

so strange.

So, I don't know...
that's why I don't mind, hell,
I appreciate it when people tell me what they think of me, but only if they are honest, else there really sin't much point....



So, I can't say I have had a huge amount of stuff going on,
it just takes up all of my emotional energy and thinking caoacuty,
since I din't really understand much of it.

I know I am changing a lot right now,
and I don't think I am cioping very well...

I am not sure

and that scares me, a lot.

how ever, the part that scares me most, is that a small part of me,
and what's worse is it appears to be growing,
doesn't care, how I am changing, or who i am....

and that scares the hell out of me.

the one thing, I have always prided myself on, is being a good person.
and I have always known that, to the depths of who i am,

and part of me worries,
that if I am any more, or at least,
for much longer.....



okay. sorry, I just needed to get that out,
and I am little sorry for you if you read all that...

#note , for Stuart, I am not really sure why I write "do not read." I know you don't appreciate "drama",

and that I don't understand.
I don't think I understand what you call the concept of " drama"
I think I see it more as living, whilst having emotions switched on.
for a long time I didn't, and couldn't, and I was horrified by it, by who I was....
but now...
I think I was wrong like that.

but I don't understand why you can't listen to someone's problems and juts be bored or annoyed by it, that someone wouldn't feel compassion and empathy for them, to do something?
that to me is wrong.
I would, ( and do, when  get the option )
sit and read and talk to my friends who share their troubles and problems, and all the little nitty-gritty of life and living in all its'f forms.

and i think that's how you get to know people, how strong friendships are made, by showing that you care,.....

hell, i know some may sad it's sad and cliche,

but hell, I really don't care what those emotionally dead people with no sympathy or compassion think.


wow, oxymoron much re-reading that? XD

I think its just when i hear someone say
"oh they were being all dramatic over such and such,
 omg I am so over it from them! I wish they would just shut up
they talk about so much crap!"

that, really hurts me. and annoys me.

wow, if you are still reading this, **high five**
because you're freaking amazing and I love you! <3

and I am sorry that you are so bored,
or possibly so skilled at procrastination =P

anyways, I need some sleep.
although I know I probably won't, my sleep has been doing weird things lately!

sorry again for long post, it's been a while, so I thought I should make up for it =P

I love you =)  <3

Listening to ; Is It True? - Yohanna