I'd like to believe

well, a lot of things I guess
first things first - yes, I am alive-
( although I seem to be getting asked this question a lot )
so not sure how much my say counts for...

I am just trying to organise a few things
myself mostly,
and perhaps not going as well as I should be.
The hardest things is starting one new aspect,
one new things I haven't tackled before..

But I guess that is old news.
of course what is new is always hard.

Mostly I am trying to figure out what to do with myself.
no small task I can assure you.
but I have narrowed it down and the criteria
for any prospective careers and jobs has been decided.

But of course in contextual and such,
but I know there must be balance.
There must always be balance, in anything and everything we do.

In this case it must be between success and happiness.
Undoubtedly an extremely common balance sought I do not doubt.

although I really don't know,
those few I have narrowed it down to are all so different and all stand out and for different reasons!
I guess I have never had an obvious career path. that has always been obvious,
I love a lot of things , and I am certainly not lacking in intelligence.
there are very few subjects or aspects in life in which i have not/ do not excel
( and yes - obviously height is one of them =P )

So yes. My little dilemma.
well, big dilemma I suppose.
but relatively, one very small things in all this world, which is even then so small.

Love and miss you all -
Goodnight <3
ayrton

Listening to - Sistar - Alone

I See

crazy people...
soooo many....

I mean today I had someone at work complain abut that fact that here hair got wet,
as some of the swimmers were kicking
( you know, using their legs, like they are supposed to )
and getting her hair wet, calling them a very offensive word I can't put up here!
I mean she was in the water doing laps too!
she expected to not get her hair wet?
It's a pool? and she was swimming!

going swimming and expecting not to get your hair wet
is like going to a chocolate factory and expecting NOT to eat heaps of chocolate.
 I mean even if you don't plan too, it just happens!
I mean it's a swimming centre for goodness' sake.


and yes.
chocolate does sometimes just happen.
Obviously. Sometimes the jar of Nutella and spoon just magically appear in my hand,
I swear!

jeez peoples.

Oh and the costume is coming along slowly I'm afraid to say.
**sadface**
ahh well.


**hugs**
Missing you all,
ayrton


Listening to ; Se7en - Somebody Else

feeling old

I have a little half brother,
Raoul, from my father's side.
He is two and half
and already speaks more languages than I do.
It saddens me that I so rarely see him any more,
I know he loves seeing me,
he has known my name since before nearly anything else,
he loves the teddies I buy him,
in fact the one I bought him for his first birthday he now sleep with every night!
( It was a big soft plush hippo =P )

But until I had him sitting in my lap and I was reading to him,
half asleep with such a content, peaceful look on his face
that I could even comprehend why someone would want to be a parent.

I can't even begin to explain.
he is my half brother,
bah ahh! so incredible! to have such a life,
it is as if all the responsibilities and effort
didn't seem so bad after all.

bah! now I'm talking crazy XD


well, missing you all,
ayrton

Listening to ; Renee Olstead - A Love That Will Last

hey little world

wows it has been a while,
I've missed this!

I really don't know how to begin explaining.
I don't feel myself of late, I'm sorry for that.

the last few days or really this last fortnight,
it's kind of been that I find myself thinking about who I am a lot.

sometimes when you realise you are so much you said you never wanted to be, and you do things you said you never would,
are friends with people you disliked for so long, as you knew they were wrong for you.

and now, lately I am back with my true friends,
my old friends,
and..

I feel so much more...me.

I cannot explain it.
I feel reinvigorated. new again.
a re-found purpose and innitiative.

so no more letting those around me get to me.
so. I have a lot to do.
a lot to change. and I'm still not even sure what.
but at least I know where I'm starting now.
it's like finding something.

I know now. I guess I've always known -
you never find what you're looking for.
you only get it when you stop looking,
when you forget or are looking for something else.
isn't that always the way?
I have a few things I really can't stuff up.
As I know that yes I have the make the effort to go through everything, and to never give up -
because what you are looking for it out there, and seeking you as much as you search for it =)



missing you all,
ayrton.

easter?

raar?
that's how bunnies go right?

well, according to Monty Python anyways :3

sorry i have been absent for so long!
been busy and lazy with work & swimming.

have just been doing the last detail on my elf mage costume lately,
will put up a few photos when I get the chance for a sneak peak =P
I've decided not to put all up until I wear it to MAIcon later this year.
so for now only a few sneak peaks once I've got through the photos!

then next week start the Totlen costume =D
super excited =D

what else...oh, today i broke something super expensive cleaning machine at work, and had ony touched it for all of about two seconds.
and rescued a dog =D

happy thought ; "Imagination is more important than knowledge"

how was your day?
love and miss you all <3


Listening too; Glee - Loser Like Me 

is it alive?

believe it or not yes, don't fret I am not dead yet =P
just tiring doing this costume!
but now look so good!
even had to learn to write and read in tengwar for it! XD
may use it for MAIcon up here later this year, it's a cool costume
and is only being used for a friend's costume party this weekend.
surely that validates it for a competition use?
well i'll see how it holds up anyway =)

and I even found phosphorus paint!
so the crystal thing and the tome glow =D
heehehee ! =D
and I even found some old rings for it!
thank goodness i needed them! =D

although my room is now incredibly messy!
two straight big costumes and no break between mean my room needs a clean...

this was day 3...

then as fabrics get done i move to the bed...

and more coming tomorrow!
am finishing the cape,
then just painting all the details on the fabrics and the last few inscriptions in the book =D

love and miss you all,
ayrton


Listening too ; SHINee - Sherlock 
 ( love it =D )

blind

today at work was cool,
we had one of our regular kids decide to try and run our giant inflatable
 ( jumping castle/ obstacle course things )
blindfolded!
he managed to do it twice!
D=
and so quickly!
after getting bored merely doing it facing backwards...
puts me to shame XD

and !
last minute costume coming up!
Tolten is on hold for this week,
my new housemate may have forgotten to invite me to her costume party
( which was is being held at our house even... )
 although she did mean to, she just forgot to tell me XD
this weekend.
so yeah.
one high elf mage coming up! XD

looks cool, lots of sewing..but i should be able to do it! =D
only a few random bits of jewellery and paper mache to do, I think I can do that in six days? XD
i mean i effectively did my Vaan in two weeks...
so this should work yesno? XD

ahh well!
love and miss you all,
ayrton

Listening to ; SHINee - Love like Oxygen